


Twelve Years of Chistmas

by sis_tafics



Series: Our Little Secret [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Christmas, Christmas Fluff, Dean's POV, F/M, Fluff, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-11
Updated: 2018-12-16
Packaged: 2019-09-16 12:48:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 15,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16954329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sis_tafics/pseuds/sis_tafics
Summary: Dean and you go back further than your first night together. Actually, Dean’s had his own little secret for years. Told from Dean’s POV





	1. 2008-Christmas Music

**August 2008:**

“You’ve never thought about it? Ever….And I’m not talking about with just someone, but like a hunter, someone who knows the life?”

Here he goes again, down this road, “No Sam, I mean, that kind of shit is a liability in this line of work. I’m not doing that to someone.”

“Even if it’s a hunter?”

God, my mind flashes to her right away. She’s fucking beautiful, badass, smarter than hell. I’d met her a few years back, didn’t even know she was a hunter until I ran into her again. Yeah, sure, I’d given it a shot, but she has no interest in a guy like me, she’s made that clear, “No.”

He’s quiet for a few miles, “So what about Y/N?”

Fuck, “What about her? She’s great sure, but I wouldn’t put this shit on anyone, and she’d-…”

Sam laughs, “Dude, I meant is she meeting us for this windigo? Did you ever hear from her?”

“Oh yeah, she’s gonna get there before us by a few hours,” windigos are on of her favorite things to hunt. She likes challenges. Personally, I didn’t really want to spend a few nights in the woods, but hunting with her is always a blast. Plus she always sticks around with us a couple days after a hunts done and hangs out.

“So Y/N, huh?” Sam says in this teasing voice and I just want to punch him.

“Dude, don’t even start.”

“You got awful defensive.”

“No! I just can’t follow when you are talking about five different things at once.”

“So why not Y/N?”

I slam my hand off the wheel, “Just drop it man.”

“Why? Cause you like her?”

Fuck, if I have to deal with five more hours of this shit, “No! She’s a hunter, we are hunters, we hunt together from time to time, that’s it. She’s one of the few friends we’ve got.”

“Sure thing,” he thankfully lets it drop and I turn up the radio.

____

She’s standing there, leaning up against a hunk of junk pick-up, hands in her pockets, watching as I get out. She smiles and I forgot how contagious it is when she does that, “Hey Y/N.”

She steps forward, reaching up to give me a hug and I wrap my arms around her, “How you doin’ Winchester?”

“Not too bad. You?”

“Same old, same old…I was glad you gave me a call. I was getting kinda bored,” She lets go, moving to give Sam a hug, greeting him too.

“We haven’t heard from you in awhile,” Sam says, letting her go and she walks back to the truck, grabbing a backpack and slinging it over her shoulder.

“I’ve had a couple of ghosts, a few vamps, a werewolf, but it’s been pretty quiet the last few months…Actually, it’s almost been boring, we getting this show on the road or what?”

“Sure thing sweetheart.” I laugh, heading to grab the stuff from the trunk. I’m hoping that this goes fast, there is only a few caves up in these hills and with any luck we should be able to get the bastard, but these fuckers are always smart.

We head up the trail, Sam way ahead while me and her catch up, “You’ve been hunting by yourself?”

“Mostly, rode with a few other hunters for a couple months, but it wasn’t for me.”

“What happened?”

She shrugs, “I just felt like I was baby sitting the whole time instead of hunting. I mean, it isn’t like hunting with you two.”

“Well you’re a damn good hunter.” I don’t mean to say it but it slips before I can stop it.

She blushes, her neck and face getting red, “Thanks Dean.”

I rub the back of my neck, “And you know, if you want to stick with us for a few hunts, you can.”

She half laughs, “I don’t know, thanks though, I don’t want to in-.”

“Don’t worry about it, it was just a thought.” And I fall quiet, wondering why I couldn’t just keep my big mouth shut, she wouldn’t want to hunt with us for very long.

“No, I just know you and Sam are you and Sam…I don’t want to slow you guys down any.”

I scoff, “Slow us down?”

“Yeah,” she glances away, almost looking embarrassed.

“I wouldn’t have called you Y/N if I didn’t think you’d be helping us.”

She gives me a small smile, “I guess so…But I’m going to have to turn you down this time.”

I can’t help the pang of disappointment, but I try to make a joke out of it, “It’s alright, I’m pretty used to you turning me down sweetheart.”

_______

**Christmas Eve 2008**

The one day a year that there is nothing to do and Sam has to kick me out of the damn room. Sure, I was the annoying one.

I turn the Impala down one of the snowy side streets, some dump in this shitty town has got to be open.  There is one bar with it’s lights on, one dive at the corner of the next block. Thank god, at least I could have a few before I headed back.

I park the car, climbing out. There probably isn’t going to be anyone in here but a few regulars, which is just fine with me. It’s just another Christmas in the books. They used to be exciting, hell, I used to try, but lately Sam just shoots it down and there really doesn’t feel like there is a reason to celebrate anymore.

It’s pretty dark in here, a little dirty, but that doesn’t mean the whiskey won’t taste good. I go to sit down on a barstool, “I’ll ha-…No way.”

The bartender looks confused as I get back up, walking down the bar and leaning next to the person halfway down, a few empty bottles of beer and a shot glass in front of her, “Now what’s a nice girl like you doin’ in a place like this?”

Y/N looks up, confused until she meets my eyes then her face lights up, this warm smile, “Dean Winchester.”

She smiles widely, half getting up so she can hug me. God, she smells like whiskey and vanilla, kinda a hint of something fruity too in her loose hair. She’s warm as I squeeze her shoulders, “How’s it goin’ sweetheart?”

She giggles, that little laugh that makes my stomach tighten, “Well, I’m drinking alone on Christmas Eve, so I will let you draw your own conclusions there Winchester.”

She signals for another drink and one for me, “Well you’re not drinkin’ alone anymore.”

She shrugs, “Well it is you, so I don’t know…”

“Ouch.”

She shoves my shoulder lightly, “Just kidding…Haven’t heard from you guys in awhile.”

“Me and Sammy have just been hitting the hunts hard,” I down the whiskey, signalling for a refill, “What about you?”

She sighs, “I just got done with one, lost two fucking people. One of them was a kid.”

Her face falls, she’s kicking herself, feeling guilty. I could tell her that’s the job, that’s the life, but I know it won’t make it better, it never does for me.

The bartender looks over and I point to her empty glass, tapping mine too. We sit there in comfortable silence. It’s one of the things I liked about her, nothing ever feels forced, like I have to talk or she has to talk.

We down drink after drink as Christmas music plays on the radio behind the bar. She breaks the quiet, “What are you thinking about?”

I can’t tell her what I’m thinking about, she’ll fucking strangle me. I can’t tell her that I’m thinking about the way her lips would feel against mine, or the way her skin would feel. I can’t tell her that I’m thinking about how her voice sounds saying my name. I can’t, “Just about the holidays, you know, how magical and shit it is when you’re a kid.”

She chuckles, “Yeah, god, I haven’t done a Christmas in who knows how long. Not since…” She trails off, her forehead scrunching and then she looks away, down at her hands. Not since her family died when she was a kid. I never had the guts to ask her about them, I’d actually found out from another hunter about two years ago. Demons.

I can tell the memories, the thoughts of them are killing her, and I wish I could make it better, make them go away, but anything I can think of doing she’s gonna wake up either hating herself or with one hell of a fucking hangover.

But then I hear it, the first few notes of some Christmas music I actually know. I get up, holding out my hand, “C’mon sweetheart.”

She cocks an eyebrow, “What are you doing?”

“I’m asking you to dance. Now c’mon before I look like an idiot standing here.”

She laughs, “You already look like an idiot and you don’t dance.”

“I’m allowed to know how to do one or two things you don’t know about there smartass,” I joke, wiggling my fingers.

She purses her lips, looking at me suspiciously. “Don’t make me regret this,” she sighs, taking my hand and I pull her up towards the open space in the bar, spinning her slowly as we get there and she laughs, rolling her eyes.

I try and act cocky, try to make a joke out of it, as I pull her close, “No one regrets a night with me sweetheart.”

She shakes her head, “You’re ridiculous, I hope you know that.”

“Yeah, I do,” I chuckle, feeling her warm body against me,  her small hand wrapped easily in mine as Sinatra keeps singing ‘Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas’.

I can’t take my eyes off of her, she’s just got this small little smile on her face, one that reaches her eyes as she looks off and then at my chest, and finally they travel up to my face and her cheeks get red.

I chuckle, making her laugh when I lead her to spin again, pulling her back against me, my arm wrapping tightly around her waist, shifting easily from foot to foot in the space, singing along lowly, “…From now on, you’re troubles will be miles away.”

She busts out laughing, hiding her face in the crook of her arm,  “You are the biggest dork ever.”

“I know,”  and I am, especially around her.

And then she looks up, under her lashes and for a second my heart stops and I forget where I am, that I’m in some shitty, dump of a bar. All I can think about is her.  And I think, god, maybe after all these years it might happen, and it’s gonna be perfect, like something out of a damn movie. But then her face falls and she looks away, back at my chest, getting red. Dammit, I didn’t want to make her uncomfortable.

But luckily, the song is winding down and I can save this, “Hey Y/N?”

And when she looks up, I dip her dramatically making her laugh. I pull her back up, making sure she’s steady before I loosen my grip, “How about you spend Christmas with us?”

“What?” She’s still holding onto me, confused.

“Yeah,” I shrug, “grab some Boston Market tomorrow, give some gifts wrapped in newspaper…”

“Yes.” she says, and I can’t think straight, did she actually just say that?

“Really?”

She nods, “Thank you for everything Dean.”

“Don’t have to thank me for that sweetheart.”

She smiles, squeezing my hand, making my knees weak before taking a step back, “Yeah I do.”


	2. 2009-Fireplaces

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and you have a hunt to get through, but when the plan doesn’t go well, Dean realizes you may be a bigger part of his life than he’d ever thought

Goddamn is it fucking cold out.

I’m not a fucking pussy and I can’t stop shaking, my teeth are going to break they are chattering so damn hard. Hell of a way to spend Christmas.

I shove my hands farther in my pockets, staying against the tree, watching the open area in the moonlight. The snow makes it so bright it almost looks like day. It’s kinda a weird looking place, long weeds blowing in patches towards the middle, a flat spot, the snow covering most of it.

“C’mon Y/N.” I say under my breath, she was supposed to be done with her sweep almost ten minutes ago, something has got to be wrong. She’ll strangle me if I fuck this up but I’m getting impatient, I don’t like this plan.

We’d left Sam back at the motel, his arm in that damn sling while we go hunt a pack of psycho werewolves that live like actual wolves, out in the mother fucking cold ass woods. And of course they were snatching people and dragging them out here when it isn’t seventy and sunny.

So the deal was, she does part of the woods up top, meets up with me while I do the next hill and she trails at the bottom. We should have met up by now though.

Suddenly there is a gunshot. Fuck, I can’t tell where it came from, I need another one. I think it came from the small ridge but it’s hard to tell when everything is still like this. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

There is a few twig snaps, two hundred or so yards out. I stand up straight, scanning the woodline. Where are you sweetheart?

Then it sounds like a damn elephant is running through the woods. Crash after crash, and another gunshot rings through the air, a yelp right after it. Good, she hit something.

She comes barreling out of the woods, about thirty yards from me, running through the clearing. I pull up my gun, realizing she’s setting me up for the shot and that’s why she hasn’t called for help. What I don’t expect is four werewolves, running half bent over, to be chasing after her.

I take the one in the rear first, Y/N’s got a little time, it drops like a sack of shit. And even though the others flinch at the crack they are too focused on their prey.

I aim at the next one, leading him, pulling the trigger evenly, but miss. The snow pops as the bullet hits right in front of it. What the fucking hell?

Two have slowed down even though Y/N hasn’t. Why? Why would they-, “Y/N! Stop!”

I shout at her again and again, sprinting as fast as I can because it clicks. Those weeds are cattails and that flat spot must be water. They know it.

Skidding to a stop, I pull the gun up again, taking down two more but that last one jumps, leaping towards her as it closes the gap, and if I miss, I’m going to hit her, “Fuck…Y/N!”

“Y/N!”  It jumps again, this time tackling her to the ground and they roll forward.

Fuck, I push myself faster, please let that ice hold, please let that fucking ice hold.

That werewolf claws at her, snarling, as they thrash around. I can’t take a shot now. I see the flash of her gun, the metal as she struggles to get it between them. But the werewolf sees it, fighting for it too.

The muzzle flashes and the sound cracks through the air, the wolf falling limp on top of her. Thank god.

I pull up, within twenty feet of her now as she pushes the body off of her, brushing herself off as she gets up.

“Well that could have gone better,” she chuckles as she gets up, smiling slowly.

My heart is still thumping in my chest and my stomach in knots even though we’ve taken care of the pack.

She starts walking towards me, and the ground shudders, groaning and she stops dead.

“Sweetheart, be careful, you’re on thin ice.” I try to joke.

She rolls her eyes, but I see it there, the instant fear because a monster is one thing, but this shit is another.

“Dean?” she whispers, her voice high as the ice makes crunching noises under the snow.

I take in a big breath, “You’re gonna be fine, okay? Just walk towards me.”

She nods, taking one step then another, slowly. I try and force a smile, “There ya go, just keep comin’.”

“Okay,” she nods, another slow step, but when she shifts her weight, there’s a crack that makes me sick.

“Dean!” She shouts, the ice giving way under her, her body disappearing below the surface.

“No!” I don’t care, I don’t think, rushing forward to the hole in the ground, “Y/N!”

My heart is clenching in my chest and it feels like I’m running through mud and I can’t get there. The water is sloshing where she is struggling to get out, get above the water. And I can’t get there to help her fast enough.

“Y/N!” I drop, sliding through the snow to the hole, reaching down, balancing on the edge. She’s there, right at the surface. The water is so cold it punches the air out of my lungs as I wrap my arms around her, pulling her to my chest, dragging her out, both of us falling back into the snow in a heap.

I crawl over her, sitting back, pulling her up, taking her face between my hands and I can’t tell who is shaking harder, “Y/N?”

Her teeth chatter loudly, her clothes soaked through, “D-dean. I’m-”

“It’s okay sweetheart.” I brush her hair away from her face, letting her go, taking my jacket off and pulling it around her shoulders, “But I need you to listen to me. I know you aren’t good at that but-…”

She laughs a little, good. I get to my feet, pulling her up right after me, fuck she’s shaking so hard, her skin almost having a blue tint to it, but maybe it’s just me overthinking it. I take her hands in mind, rubbing them against her freezing skin, trying to ignore how fast the cold is getting to me, “Did you find their cabin?”

She nods, stuttering, leaning against me, searching for anything to warm her up,, “Y-y-yes. F-f-fuck…little over t-two miles.:”

Dammit, that’s not that far. But it’s through the woods, in the fucking dark, when it is below zero out, and it is going to be slow going. But I gotta get her there. I’m not losing her, not like this.

I hold her close for a moment, then take her hand in mine, “You’re gonna walk with me, and you aren’t going to let go, you understand?”

She nods but doesn’t say anything, her jaw clenches hard. God, she’s fighting like crazy, but fuck, I don’t know if she can take more than fifteen or twenty minutes out here.

I keep her by my side, staying at her pace as we get back into the woods and I follow her and the pack’s tracks. We start up the hill and her feet slip on the leaves under the snow. I wrap my arm around her waist before she hits the ground, “Easy sweetheart, I’ve got you.”

“I-I’m s-sorry,”

“It’s okay,” I try to hold her weight but the farther we get up the hill the slower she goes, she’s shaking, her legs are barely working.

“Alright sweetheart,” I stop her, her knees almost giving out. Shit. I bend, facing her, putting her over my shoulder in a fireman’s carry, “I’m going to go as fast as I can but I need you to stay awake. Just talk to me.”

“D-don’t Dean.”

“I gotta,” I take off at a slow jog. I fucking hate running when I can’t see where I’m stepping but if I don’t get her warm…I don’t even want to think about it.

Time passes too slow and I lose the tracks twice, wasting time. I keep asking her questions but the answers keep getting shorter and now it’s just small grunts if I’m lucky. Fuck.

Through the trees I see the small cabin, sprinting the last little bit, “Just a little bit longer.”

She doesn’t make a sound, dammit. I kick the door open, rushing in, looking around, “Alright sweetheart, we got this.” And I don’t know if I’m talking to her or me.

I set her down on the shredded couch, and her eyes are open, barely, and her lips are blue. I shed another jacket and set it over her before rushing to the fireplace. The coals are cold and there is only a few logs.

“Dammit,” I stack the wood, fishing my lighter out of my pocket, starting what I can.

I run back to her, cradling her face gently, feeling her tremble, “I will be right back, whatever you do, stay awake.”

I sprint outside, searching for small pieces of wood, grabbing those and finding a stack of split logs as well. I take back as much as I can, my breaths coming in short gasps, my heart racing in my chest.

I keep swearing as I stoke the fire, trying to get it going good, get some coals so we’ve got heat, so she’s got heat.

“C’mon Y/N,” I lift her off the couch, against my chest, sitting down right in front of the fire. She’s shaking so hard it almost feels like convulsions and her eyes aren’t open anymore.

“Y/N,” I shake her gently, touching her face, “I need to see those pretty eyes.”

I check her pulse, it’s pretty faint and her breathing is shallow,  “Fuck… okay Y/N, don’t shoot me.”

I get up and grab some blankets, starting to shrug off my clothes down to my skivvies. I lay one blanket down, then kneel by her, starting to shed layers. I gotta get her out of these wet clothes, and I’ve gotta get her body temp up.

She is so going to shoot me when she wakes up.

I get her down to her bra and panties and fuck that isn’t the color skin should be. It’s got this blue tint mixed with angry red, and I know I’m not imagining it anymore.

I lay down, pulling her front to my chest and a blanket over us and wrap my arms around her, moving my hands up and down her freezing, trembling skin, trying to warm her up, “C’mon, c’mon.”

Fuck, I’m scared. She’s my best friend, one of my only friends. I can’t lose her, I won’t. And fuck I can feel myself start crying. Pull it together Dean.

She takes in a deeper breath, it’s shaky as all hell but it’s a start.

“D-dean?” She croaks, thank god.

“I’m right here, you’re gonna be okay.”

She doesn’t say anything else, just huddles up against me, as close as she can get. Fuck, I grimace, because I’ve pictured this, so many fucking times, but not like this. She never going to want this like I do, I don’t deserve a girl like her, I don’t have a shot in hell. Ever.

After a while she stops shaking, her breaths deepening as she falls asleep. She should be warm enough now that that’s okay. I slip her out of my arms, tossing a few more logs on the fire, then hanging our sopping clothes in front of it.

Then I turn, seeing her sleeping, her one hand reaching to where I was just laying. Goddammit, I wish I didn’t do this to myself, but I can’t help it. She comes first, she always will, no matter what does or doesn’t happen between us.

I crawl back against her, holding her in my arms, feeling how much warmer she is now, even though her nose is still freezing against my chest. I rest my chin against the top of her head and let myself doze off. All that matters is she’s here with me, and she’s going to be fine.


	3. 2010 - Snowball Fights

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and you become snowed in on Christmas Eve and you confide in him why you don’t like Christmas anymore

**Christmas Eve 2010:  
**

“So are we going to make it out of this damn state?” Y/N asks quietly from the seat beside me.

I sigh, “Probably not. I think I’m going to pull off at the next exit.”

Pennsylvania in December, fan-fucking-tastic. So not only is it cold, it’s wet and slushy and craptastic. I love my car, but she isn’t made for this kind of weather and this storm just keeps getting worse.

It is quiet for a little bit then she breaks it, “Have you heard from him?”

“Nope,” I grunt, she’s talking about Sam. We had gotten into it about a week ago, hollering, the whole nine yards and he walked out the door. I figured he would cool off, be back in an hour, but he texted Y/N that he needed some time to be by himself. So I said ‘fine, let him.’

Y/N and I had hit up this salt and burn in west PA, found another hunt a few states over in Iowa, but this storm is kicking our ass. I’m tired and sore and I just want more than two hours of sleep.

She shifts in the seat as I pull the car onto ramp, flipping off the radio.

“Turning off my tunes?” I tease.

She crosses her arms and shakes her head, looking out the window, “Just tired of Christmas music.”

She hasn’t said much since we first started driving, trying to beat the storm. I pull into the motel, shoving her shoulder lightly, “You okay?”

She nods stiffly, “Yeah, just another holiday, you know?”

It’s Christmas Eve, and she’s never told me why but I know she isn’t crazy about the holidays because of what happened to her family.

I squeeze her arm, “Wanna go get fucked up on the mini bar and play some poker?”

She giggles, “Nah, I just want some sleep. Though it is tempting.”

I snap my fingers, “Dammit, tonight was the night I finally agreed to strip poker with you.”

“Uh-huh,” she laughs, finally cracking a smile as she gets out into the crowded parking lot.

I follow her up to the main office and she is taking the last step when her feet slip on the ice and go out from under her. Fuck. I reach forward, trying to grab her as she wipes out but I slip too, both of us crumpling on the ground and I break her fall, grunting as her body slams into mine.

“Are you alright sweetheart?”

“Dammit! Yes!” She snaps, trying to get off of me, away from me but I’m not letting go until I know she’s on her feet. She’s all kinds of pissed off.

She rushes into the office and Jesus, I don’t want her to fall again, but she moves so damn quick I’m frozen in place. I don’t know what the fuck I did.

By the time I get in there the guy behind the counter is already helping her, “Sorry miss, we don’t have any more doubles, is one king okay?”

She nods, “Cot?”

He shakes his head, “We are out, the storm has us pretty tapped.”

“Alright,” she hands him a credit card that he swipes and she signs. He gives her the key and she pushes past me, out the door again. Fuck, this is going to be a fun night.

She waits for me to unlock the trunk, grabbing her bags as soon as I do and hurrying towards the room, leaving it open behind her for me. When I walk through the door she’s grabbing pillows and blankets, tossing some on the floor.

“You’re not sleeping on the ground Y/N.”

“The fuck I’m not!”

I toss the bags on the table, shrugging out of my jacket, “I’m not letting you sleep on the damn ground.”

“Yes I am!”

“Y/N, I wouldn’t let you take a cot, let alone the floor.”

She sits down on the blankets defiantly, pulling her knees to her chest. Whatever. I will do the same thing to prove my damn point, so I toss some pillows and blankets on the ground in a different corner.

I’m waiting for her to say something, and when I turn to say some smartass comment I stop before the words get out. She looks like she’s going to cry.

“Sweetheart?” I ask softly, dropping what’s in my hands, kneeling down in front of her.

She shakes her head, refusing to meet my eyes.

“Talk to me.”

“I-I’m sorry,” she chokes out as a tear slides down her cheek.

“For what?”

“For everything,” she hides her face against her knees, “for being such a bitch, for ruining Christmas again.”

I half laugh, “You are a lot of things Y/N, that is not one of them.”

She doesn’t say anything else, and I don’t know what to do. So I start grabbing the stuff back up, setting what I can get on the bed until I get to her. I wrap my hand around her wrist, tugging until she looks up, “C’mon.”

She hesitates, but lets me pull her to her feet. I let go and she looks away, heading for the bed and crawling in, covering herself up as her body shudders slightly with the silent sobs.

I shut all the lights off, grabbing the rest of what’s on the floor before laying down on the opposite side. It’s not out of the normal, we sleep in the same bed half the time anyways, but this doesn’t feel the same.

I stop myself for a moment, but then I scoot closer, reaching out and touching her face, brushing the tears away. And for a moment it makes her cry harder, but then she closes the distance between us and wraps her arms around me, burying her face against my chest.

Holy shit, it takes my brain a second to catch up, “It’s okay sweetheart.”

“I’m sorry.” Her voice is muffled by my shirt.

“Don’t be.” I rub my hands up and down her back reassuringly. I don’t think she is going to say anything else, I don’t push her to.

Her arms stay wrapped around me tightly, even when her breathing evens out and becomes heavy, her fingers stay tangled in my shirt. And before too long she’s dreaming, having nightmares. I’ve slept with her enough times to know the difference. The way she is twitching, the crease in her brow, the small sounds she is making? Definitely a nightmare.

I wish I could fix it, I wish I could make it better, but I don’t know how.

_____

I wake up before her, but I don’t move, even though my shoulder is asleep,  it’s the first time she’s been still all night.

The radio clock on the stand say 4:13AM.

In the quiet I can’t help where my mind goes, how perfect she is. How she’s warm and soft and solid all at the same time. How it’s more of a feeling that radiates from her than her body against mine.

I try not to think about how right this feels for me, how much I want this to be more than platonic, be more than me just comforting her this one time. And it’s weird because I’ve never wanted to be there for the bad around someone, I’ve never really wanted more than one night with some chick.

But Y/N? She’s not just some chick.

She jerks awake, looking around, confused, but when her eyes meet mine she relaxes back in my arms, her eyes closing for a moment. I adjust my arms around her, stretching before tightening them again, keeping her snug against me.

She takes a deep breath, “Dean I lost them a week before Christmas, and each year just gets harder instead of easier.”

I swallow hard, “Your family?”

I feel her nod against me, “All of them, just gone. And I didn’t know any of this, any of this shit and all I can ever think is why did that fucking demon leave me alive?”

And it’s selfish as fuck, but I’m glad it did, I’m glad she’s alive because I don’t know what my life would be like without her anymore.

She keeps going, “And I used to love Christmas, I did, but now all I think about is them and how much I still miss them and how they aren’t here.”

I get that, I really do, “Like you want to remember them but you don’t want it to hurt anymore?”

“Yes. And I always tell myself I’m going to be fine, but something little happens and I’m right back where I was before.”

I know it isn’t my place, but I do know enough about her, about them from when she’s slipped up and told me little things, “They would want you to be happy.”

“But all the things I have, just remind me of how alone I am.”

“I know it’s not much sweetheart, but you got me.”

She half smiles, “Thanks Dean.”

“Don’t mention it.”

I give her a half hug, half an idea forming, “How about we make some new Christmas memories… So let’s go find Sam and grab some Boston Market and watch a game?”

She smiles, the first genuine one, and my heart flutters in my chest, “Sounds like a plan.”

“Well get your ass dressed and call my brother, he might actually answer for you.” I know it isn’t a fix all, but it is worth a shot.

I get out of bed and start getting our shit together, listening to her talk to Sam on the phone. He answered pretty quick, and they are talking about which state is best to meet up in. It sounds like he’s down in Georgia so we might be heading south.

I’ve just about got everything packed up when I feel her arms wrap around me, squeezing. At first I stiffen, unsure, but I feel her tense up from my reaction, so I relax and turn, hugging her back.

“What’s that for sweetheart?”

“Just you being you,” she chuckles before letting go, taking a step back, “We are going to meet him in South Carolina.”

I sling the bag over my shoulder, “Well we better roll then.”

She nods, grabbing her stuff, following close behind me as we head outside. Sometime last night the slushy rain must have turned to snow because the ground and the car are covered with a thick layer of it.

We toss the shit in the back seat, and I start the car, letting it warm up while we start brushing the snow off.

“Hey Dean?”

Just as I look up a ball of snow hits me square in the chest, splattering on my face. I’m shocked, frozen, “You did not just-”

I go to look at her and another snowball hurls through the air, smacking me, followed by her laughing at my expression. I glance up in time to see her start gathering up snow for another one, “Oh it’s on.”

I drop the scraper I had been using, molding the snow in my hands as another flies through the air but I duck in time, “I want you to remember you started this.”

I stay low, going around the back. She’s glancing around the windshield, looking for me when I toss it, hitting her square. She jumps in surprise, turning quickly and throwing the one in her hand that I dodge as I make another.

She squeals as I run towards her, trying like hell to get around to the other side of the car and hide. And as I bear down, she starts brushing handfuls off the top of the car at me, making it a cloud of snowflakes, “No! Dean!”

She trips over her own feet as she backpedals, falling to the ground with a thump, snow flying. I laugh, reaching out, offering to help her up, “You give?”

She takes my hand, but then gets this wicked grin on her face. Her other hand flies up, bringing a bunch of snow with it that showers over my face, “Never.”


	4. 2011 - Christmas Lights

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Sam come back to find you’ve done something for them for Christmas

**Christmas Morning 2011**

“Why?” I complain, “Why can’t it ever be, oh let’s go to Florida for Christmas, or maybe Arizona. No, we had to find a hunt in the coldest place in the continental US.”

Sam laughs, “Well at least it was just a salt and burn.”

I shake my head, “A salt and burn in Baudette, Minnesota…I don’t think I will ever feel my nuts again.”

This had been fucking ridiculous. Especially when it had been snowing too. It had taken me almost an hour to find a backhoe while Sam was digging, and even then it had taken us twice the time it normally would and the temperature was well below zero. Plus Y/N was out of commission, laid up at the motel room with a sprained ankle and a recently reset knee.

I pull the car into the motel, getting out. Everything is covered in new snow and it is going to be a bitch to get our shit to the room. I’d taken most of it in yesterday afternoon before we left but I had grabbed Y/N and Sam a couple presents at the store in town and I had to get some of these guns cleaned while I have a little time. With the storm that is supposed to hit tonight, we aren’t leaving for a couple days.

It is just a little after two in the morning, and she’ll hopefully be sleeping. I know she hasn’t slept in a few days, it’s my turn to share a bed with her and she’s climbing the walls ever since she got hurt. She’s been pissed off for days, hell she even snapped at Sam when he told her she should sit this one out. But the girl could barely fucking gimp right now let alone hunt.

I grab the bag from the backseat, slinging it over my shoulder before heading to the room, Sam already there.

“Dude, you gotta see this.”

I can’t help but bust out laughing when I see what’s on the other side. She’s sleeping, curled up on the bed but that’s not it. There is a mini Christmas tree on the table and Christmas lights hanging around the room. Somehow she got them to hang on the walls, she has some hanging on top of the chairs and the TV.  I don’t know how she got to town and back, let alone put this all together.

She rolls over, looking around, rubbing her eyes, “Hey guys.”

I chuckle, “What the hell did you do?”

She looks from me to the rest of the room, blushing, “Oh, I, um, Merry Christmas boys.”

She scoots to the edge of the bed, pushing herself up, grimacing when she puts weight on her leg, “I know I’ve been crabby lately and it’s Christmas, and I don’t know,” she shrugs.

“Christmas sounds like a plan sweetheart,” I smile, giving her a one arm hug, not missing the sideways glance from Sam.

She smiles up at me, “I gotta pee but then presents? I lifted a car to town and got you guys a couple things.”

“Sure thing.” I chuckle, watching her, praying she doesn’t wipe out. Girl is a hell of a hunter, but she’s also the world’s biggest klutz.

Sam laughs low, “Why don’t you just tell her man?”

I shake my head, grumbling, “I don’t know what you are talkin’ about.”

“Dude, we spent almost an hour at the store so you could find a present and I know you weren’t looking for one for me.”

“I didn’t take an hour.”

“Whatever. Just tell her.”

“No! Okay,” I turn on him, trying to keep my voice down, “she’s my best friend, I’m not fucking that up.”

“What if she feels the same way?”

I scoff, “She will never feel that way about me so just drop it.”


	5. 2012- Riding in a One Horse Open Sleigh

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean struggles with plans for your first Christmas as a couple

I can’t fuck this up. **  
**

I know she isn’t expecting anything, that she would be happy if we just stayed at the motel and watched bad Christmas movies. But dammit, I want this to be a Christmas she’ll remember. I want it to be special, she deserves it.

I can’t think of one damn thing.

“Fuck,” I hiss, scrolling through Google again. There’s nothing. It’s all stupid shit or it is cheesy as hell and she will think it’s stupid.

I don’t even know what to get her for a present and I’ve only got two more days. Like I know she cracked the stock on her 870 and could use a new one, she lost a nice bowie knife a couple hunts ago and is still pretty bummed about it, but is that really a gift you get for your girlfriend?

And the what are we supposed to do? Dinner? That seemed like I just pulled it out of my ass last second.

The door opens and I slam the laptop shut, standing up nervously. Y/N’s standing in the motel room door with a confused expression, “I would say I don’t care if it’s porn but you have too many clothes on and you’re not, you know, alert enough for it to be that so…”

I shake my head, “Nothing, not a thing.”

She shuts the door, giving me a sly look, “Uh-huh.”

I swallow hard, “So did you find what you needed?”

She tosses her coat on the bed, “Yeah, so turns out it ain’t no witch…Cursed object.”

“What?” Sam and her had been sure it was a witch.

“Cursed snow globe,” she rolls her eye, “Thing was turning that little old lady all kinds of batshit.”

“That was it?”

She nods, coming over to me, wrapping her arms around my neck, “That’s it. Sam is making a lock box for that thing now and we can drop it at a storage unit when we pass one.”

I wrap my arms around her waist, pulling her flush against me, butterflies going crazy in my stomach. They always do, we’ve been together for over six months and I still can’t get over it, that she’s here, she’s with me, “Who figured it out?”

She grins proudly and I dip down, pressing my lips against her soft ones, my heart racing in my chest, “That’s my girl.”

She chases the kiss as I pull away and I can’t help it, my hands moving to her face, holding her there as I kiss her again deeply. Goddamn, she’s perfect, she’s everything I could ever want.

She breaks away, gasping, smiling like an idiot, “So are we blowing this popsicle stand?”

I shrug, trying to play it cool, “Or it’s the holidays, we could stay here until after, avoid all the traffic and shit.”

She bites her bottom lip, playing with it as she thinks, “Are you sure?”

I nod, craning my neck so I can nip at the soft skin of her neck, “Yep, we’ve already got our own room here.”

She laughs, pushing me back playfully,  “Alright Winchester, but I expect there to be some food in the near future. I’m starving.”

I wink, “Deal, as long as I get to eat you for dessert?”

She blushes, glancing away before meeting my eyes again, “Deal.”

_________

**Christmas Eve 2012:**

“Dean, where are we going?” she laughs as I keep after her about getting dressed.

“You’ll see,” I smile, pulling my jeans up.

“If I don’t know where we are going, how am I supposed to know what to wear? Huh?” She’s been trying for an hour and a half to get me to spill, but I’ve stuck it out even when she tried to play it dirty.

“Just throw on your jeans and a hoodie, grab your jacket.”

She gives me a long look again, her hip cocked and her arms crossed before she sighs, “Fine.”

I watch her as she grabs the rest of her clothes, slipping them on. She keeps thinking, throwing me glances, trying to figure it out. She won’t. I went old school on this one.

“Stop grinning like an idiot,” she chides as she slips the sweatshirt over her head, crossing the room to me, her hands wandering over my stomach.

“I’m not,” I bend down to give her a quick kiss.

“Yes you are,” she smiles against my lips. And part of me doesn’t even want to go out. I just want to take her in my arms and stay here all night, feel her skin against mine, but I know she’s going to love this and I can’t wait to see her face.

“C’mon sweetheart,” I take her hand in mine, leading her out the door and down the hall, heading for the exit.

I open the door of the Impala for her, not letting go until she sits down, shutting the door softly before rushing to the otherside. I slide in, rev the engine and pull out of the parking lot, and as soon as I’m on the main road I feel her hand against mine as she shifts closer to me in the seat. I lace my fingers with hers, squeezing and she leans against my shoulder.

“I love you,” she says softly as the street lights flash in and out of the car as we pass under them.

“I love you too sweetheart,” and those words are getting easier and easier for me to say even though they mean more and more. I never thought I’d say them to anyone, ever. Hell, I was terrified to say them to her. But I knew, I knew the second she said it back to me I was done for, I was hers.

“Fuck,” I growl, the car in front of me slowing down and I can see the flashing lights up ahead. It’s gotta be a crash, “Dammit.”

“Are we in a hurry?”

I sigh, trying to think about how to get around this, “A little.”

I roll down the window, a cop walking down the cars and explaining what’s going on, “Do you know how long it’s going to be sir?”

He shakes his head, “It’s going to take an hour or more, with the holidays we are a little short.”

“Is there another way into town?”

The cop shakes his head, “You could backtrack to the highway, but it’s a two hour detour with the roads the way they are.”

“Thank you sir,” he moves on and I roll up the window. Shit.

She doesn’t say anything and I don’t know what to say, “Fuck, I’m sorry sweetheart.”

She shrugs, “Dean, I don’t care what we do.”

I shake my head, “I had it all planned to.”  
  


“Well, tell me what we were going to do,” she squeezes my hand.

I chuckle, “They have this park in town all done with lights and you can schedule sleigh rides, and I don’t know, it sounded, fuck-”

She cups my chin, turning me and her lips press against mine, “That sounds amazing.But you know what’s even more amazing?”

“Hmm?” I brush the stray hairs away from her face.

“That I have a boyfriend that thought of all of that.”

I groan, kissing her, feeling her tongue slide against mine until I feel like I’m going to pass out, “Do you want to go the other way and try to make it?”

She smiles, “Sure…Worst case, I get to spend some time with you.”

Fuck, when she says stuff like that it makes me feel warm. I back the Impala up, heading back towards the highway, “I’ve got something for you in the back seat.”

She gets on her knees, “Does that mean I can open them?”

I laugh, “No, you have to sit there and stare at them…Of course.”

I hear her shred the paper, opening the smaller box first. She smiles, pulling out the knife, “It looks just like mine did!”

“It’s a little different but-”

“It’s perfect,” she sets it on the seat, opening the bigger box and pulling out the short barrel 870, “Dean, you so didn’t have to-”

“I shortened the barrel up and sighted it in for me, so we’ll have to go and get it in for you, but you should at least be able to hit something.”

“Thank you , I love it.”

“Really?” I’m a little surprised, I didn’t know if she would expect something else, more boyfriend-girlfriendy.

“Yes,” she laughs, “you didn’t have to go through all this trouble for me.”

“It’s no trouble at all sweetheart. It’s for you.”

“You know Dean, it may no be a one horse open sleigh,  but I would take a ride with you in the Impala over anything, anyday.”

“You don’t have to say that Y/N,” she’s just trying to make me feel better.

And then her lips are pressed against my cheek, “I’m not just saying that Dean, I mean it. Anything that’s just me and you makes me happy. I couldn’t ask for a better way to spend Christmas.”

I can’t help but smile, kissing her quickly for the few seconds I’m willing to take my eyes away from the road, “How’d I get so lucky.”

She smiles back, “You didn’t, I just love you.”


	6. 2013-Fuzzy Blankets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and you find ways to keep warm on a chilly Christmas

Christmas Eve 2013

“Dean just come back to bed.” Her voice is soft behind me.

“Fuck,” I hiss as the wrench slips again. I got this damn nut cross threaded and now I can’t freaking get it, “I will, just let me get this fixed.”

“Dean,” her hand grips my shoulder, small fingers squeezing, “you’re going to strip it if you keep wrenching on it like that.”

I glance up, she’s wrapped in a blanket over my t-shirt, hair everywhere, her breath fogging slightly. The damn furnace broke sometime yesterday and we hadn’t noticed it until we woke up in the middle of the night and couldn’t feel our fingers.

I run my hand over her bare thigh, feeling the small goosebumps. She’s cold but she’d stay here with me if I asked, “Just go back to bed sweetheart, I’ll be there soon.”

She bends down, pressing her soft lips to mine, “I’m gonna grab some more blankets, don’t be too long.”

“Ten minutes, tops,” I promise, kissing her again before she gets back up.

“ ‘kay,” she mumbles, pulling the blanket around her shoulders tightly before padding down the hallway.

I do just want to crawl back in bed with her, but with it being Christmas in a few hours, I figured I would just deal with this now instead of us all freezing to death tomorrow. It’s our first one here and Y/N has gone all out. We even have a real tree in the library.

It only takes me a few more minutes to fix what I’d messed up, carefully twisting the nut in place this time before tightening it, closing up the box and flipping everything back on. The ancient machine roars to life. Good.

I leave the tools there, and walk back the halls to our room, shivering. Fuck it can’t be more than forty degrees in here, Jesus Christ.

I open the door and can’t help but laugh, “Where the hell are you even at?”

I hear her giggle from beneath the mound of blankets on the bed, there must be ten of the damn things. The mountain shifts and her head pops out, “I was freezing.”

I peel a couple back, tossing them to the floor before ditching all my clothes, crawling in next to her, my hands finding her bare skin. She jumps away, “Jesus Dean!”

I smile, “Just let me warm them up.”

She tries to wiggle away but I pull her close, despite her protesting. I touch her back and she arches away from them, against me. After a moment she stops, tangling her body with mine, “How long until it’s warm again?”

I can’t help but chuckle, “We can make it warm right now sweetheart.”

Y/N laughs, but presses her lips to the underside of my jaw, her fingertips running over my ribs and my dick twitches. There’s something about this damn woman, doesn’t matter when or where or how, I always want her, I can’t ever get enough.

She pulls back, resting her head against the pillow as her eyes search my face, her fingertips tracing the lines there as she smiles softly. She’s so damn beautiful, so fucking perfect. I still don’t know how I got this lucky.

I brush her hair back away from her face, my thumb rubbing her cheek gently and she leans into my touch, pressing a kiss to the palm of my hand. I can’t help the groan that escapes, “Sweetheart.”

She smiles softly, that light in her eyes every single time I call her that, it makes me melt, “C’mere.”

I take her in my arms, hooking her leg over my hip. She moans, reaching between us, her small fingers wrapping around my hardening dick, making it hard to breathe as she strokes slowly.

Fuck, I twitch in her fingers, and I snake my hand down her body, parting her lips with my fingers. Shit, she’s so wet already, so ready, and it always surprises me, doesn’t matter how long we’ve been together that she wants me this much.

“Dean,” she whines, voice breathy and high pitched as I circle her clit, moving and dipping my fingers inside her warm pussy, “D-dean.”

“Shh baby, I’m right here,” I reassure her, my stomach tensing as she runs her thumb of the head of my dick, switching her rhythm.

“Please, wanna feel you,” and fuck I was going to wait, but who can argue when she asks like that?

I take my hand away from her, covering hers with it and let her guide my movements until I feel myself split her lips. Her hand moves away, gripping my arm as I sink into her, moving slowly. She gasps, shuddering, burying her face in my neck. I groan, clenching my jaw as I feel her heat envelope me as I inch into her.

Her pussy flutters and fuck, it makes it hard to breathe. She’s so warm, fits so well around me and it might sound stupid, but it is like we are made for each other.

I adjust her body in my arms, pulling her as close as I can, burying myself to the base. She whimpers, gripping my shoulders and I look up, meeting her eyes and I forget how to fucking breathe.

She’s everything, she’s my everything. I never knew it was possible to feel like this, so fucking helpless and strong at the same time.

She rests her forehead against mine as she rolls her hips, making this small pull before pushing back against me.

I press my lips against hers, feeling how soft they are as I roll my hips, pulling out before thrusting back in, setting a lazy pace. I want this to last, I would spend forever like this if I could, spend days pressed against her, feeling like this.

Somewhere in everything we stop kissing and her eyes are locked onto mine, my hands wrapped around her, holding her still as I slowly drive into her again and again, feeling her clench around me.

And god her eyes, so focused they are almost crossed, I can see how much she wants this, how much she wants me, how much she loves me and it makes my heart skip. I married her, I stood up there with her almost five months ago and it still doesn’t feel real.

She shakes in my arms, her breath fanning over my face as she moans, “Dean.”

When she says my name like that, when she’s so close to falling apart it makes me ache, makes me weak.

“Y/N,” I groan, dipping my head so I can nip at her neck, run my thumb over her hard nipples, making her whimper for more. And the sounds she makes? Fuck, I could come just listening to them.

She holds onto me tighter, her neck straining and she’s close, which is good because with her looking like this, all kinds of bedhead and sexy, feeling her squeeze around me, I don’t know if I’m going to last much longer.

“S-shit Dean,” she breathes heavily.

I hike her leg up higher on my side, changing the angle so I’m brushing against that spot inside her that drives her absolutely insane. I love the way she immediately reacts, her muscles tensing, her body trembling with need.

It’s getting to the point where I can’t keep up she feels so damn good. I bury myself in her, grinding my pelvic bone against her clit and she comes undone. Fuck, she clenches around me, tightening again and again, fuck.

My balls tighten and my dick jumps as I spill deep inside her, grunting as my hips roll on their own, trying to push myself further. Christ, this feels so good, just her and me.

I run my lips over her skin, unwilling to let her go as I kiss her shoulder and up her neck. She grabs my chin, holding me still as she kisses me gently.

I break away first, my lungs screaming, light headed from her. And even though I’m softening now and it’s a little sensitive, I don’t want to pull out of her just yet, not with how she feels wrapped around me.

We lay nose to nose on the pillows, tangled together under all these blankets. She smiles softly, her eyes drooping a little.

I chuckle, pressing my face against hers, “Maybe that was it sweetheart.”

Her smile grows, “I hope so.”


	7. 2014 - Wishing Upon a Star

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and you throw a small party at the Bunker

I grab two beers from the fridge, heading back out to the library. I could hear the laughter, the music, from here. She’d insisted on a Christmas party here, especially after Sam had started bringing Eileen around more and more.

There’s more people than I expected, pretty much everyone who had been at our wedding plus a couple other hunters we’ve met along the way. She’s standing there, all kinds of gorgeous in that silver top, laughing with Jody.

I hand the one beer to Sam and walk up behind her, wrapping my arm around her. She never stops talking as I kiss her shoulder, her fingers coming up and tangling through my hair for a moment.

She smiles up at me as I stand back up, “Hey handsome.”

“Hey yourself,” I press my lips to hers, holding her close.

Jody laughs lightly, “I’’m really happy for you two.”

I can’t help but smile, running my hand over Y/N’s stomach, over the large bump that is there, “Thanks Jody.”

Y/N’s hand covers mine, holding it in place right beside her bellybutton and I feel the movement, the small kick.

“He’s ridiculous,” she smiles, that smile that makes my heart pound in my chest, “I thought he was a mother hen before, but now? I can’t move without him hovering.”

I chuckle, holding her tight against me, “I am not.”

“Whatever, if it was up to you I would be in bed all day.”

I roll my eyes, “Well it isn’t like you’re about ready to pop or anything.”

“You were like this day one,” she teases, squeezing my hand. I feel another small kick.

“She’s going to town tonight,” the baby has been pretty still the last few days. Usually she would wake Y/N up a few times every night, but it hasn’t been as bad, I’d been worried as all hell.

Y/N scoffs, “I still don’t know why you are so sure it’s a she.”

“Because she’s crazy, just like her mother.” I wrap my arms around her shoulders, glancing over at Jody who shakes her head.

“Or just like her dad.” Jody jokes.

Y/N laughs, gripping my forearms. And I know I should be paying attention to all the people here, but all I can think about is her, how damn beautiful she is like this. The second she told me, everything shifted so much, and I thought I loved her before, I didn’t know I could have anymore of that in me. But now? Fuck, they’re everything.

Maybe I am hovering, but I don’t care, I’m only going to get a little bit more time like this. And fuck, I do worry, what hunter wouldn’t? What dad wouldn’t?

Garth talks to us for awhile, then a few other people until Y/N turns and whispers, “I’m getting warm, you wanna go outside for a little bit?”

“Mhm,” I kiss that soft skin right below her ear and take her hand, pulling her with me. We walk out the garage and into the night.

It’s chilly and she shivers against it. I wrap my arm around her, rubbing my hand up and down her bare arm, “What are you thinking about sweetheart?”

She takes in a deep breath, “I’m thinking about you.”

She smiles up at me, her eyes moving over my face, coming to rest on mine. I dip down, pressing my lips against her soft ones, “What else?”

“What a good dad you are going to be.”

I can feel my chest swell, “I hope I am.”

She nods, “I know you Dean Winchester, you will be the best dad ever. I couldn’t ask for a better husband.”

I laugh, “I’m sure you could.”

She shakes her head, looking up at the clear sky, “No I couldn’t. You love me for me, that’s all I can ever ask for.”

I scoff, “I don’t know about this whole pregnancy thing, I’m supposed to be the sappy one, remember?”

She busts out laughing, “Yeah, the hormones are making me sentimental.”

I kiss the top of her head, “I kinda like it, it’s a whole new side of you.”

“Oh, quiet there Winchester,” she pokes my ribs lightly, but she grimaces, grabbing her stomach, “Damn kid.”

I put my hand near hers, feeling the small thumps, “You okay?”

“Yeah,” she shifts her weight from one foot to the other, “If I didn’t know better   
I’d say she’s trying to break my ribs.”

I can’t help but smile, “You said she.”

Y/N rolls her eyes, “Fine, you’re rubbing off on me.”

“You never told me what you want.”

She shrugs, “I want them to be as smart, as brave and kind as you. That’s what I want….I mean if they have my sass and your good looks that is all gravy.”

I chuckle, “I’m serious baby.”

“I am too. I don’t care.”

I nuzzle against her neck, holding her against my chest, “She’s going to look just like you.”

She sighs, content and I rest my chin on the top of her hear, watching the dark sky with her, “There’s a shooting star.”

She nods, leaning back to press a kiss to my neck, whispering, “Make a wish.”

I spin her in my arms, cupping her chin as her belly presses against me, “I can’t sweetheart.”

She raises an eyebrow and I lean down, resting my forehead against hers, “I got everything I could possibly wish for.”

She closes the distance, pressing her lips against mine as she giggles, “Look who is back on the sap train.”

“Shut-up,” I laugh low, taking her in my arms, kissing her with everything I have.


	8. 2015 - Mistltoe

Dammit. I can’t get this last present to wrap right, the fucker won’t look neat no matter what I do. **  
**

I toss it on the bed, fuck it all. Figures, the one present I can’t wait to give Y/N, I can’t even fucking wrap.

There’s a knock on the door, “Am I allowed in yet?”

I scoff, giving up, “Yeah.”

The door opens and she leans against the door jam in her robe, hair still wet from her shower, looking from the ball of wrapping paper to me, “Do you need some help there?”

I get up, crossing the room to her, placing my hands on her hips and pulling her against me, “I don’t know how the fuck you wrap stuff that isn’t square.”

She winks, “It’s my one superpower, don’t tell anyone.”

I hook my finger under her chin, pressing my lips to hers. She sighs, and I nip at her bottom lip, and her arms wrap around my neck, “I think you’ve got a couple of those sweetheart, especially in here.”

I spin her suddenly, lifting her up between me and the wall and she squeaks, grabbing my shirt, surprised as her legs wrap around me, “Dean, we so don’t have time.”

“I’ve always got time for you…Sam’s got it,” I growl as I kiss her neck, nipping at her soft skin. The first few months there is no way I would have said that, but fuck, I practically have to wrestle him every night now.

“I feel bad,” she laughs, but it turns into a moan as I suck a mark above her collarbone.

“Don’t,” I mumble against her skin. And yeah, I kinda feel guilty about it, but when she looks like this, I can’t help it.

Her fingers tangle in my hair, pulling me back up and she kisses me, and it’s like it punches the air out of my damn lungs. Her tongue slides against mine and, fuck, when she kisses me like this it always feels like home.

I grab the back of her thighs, hiking her up higher, “Sweetheart.”

She smiles against my lips as I shove my boxers down. She holds tight to me and I reach between us, brushing my fingers over her pussy. Fuck, she’s already wet. I line myself up, pressing the tip into her.

She groans, letting her hips sink down, taking me little by little. My stomach muscles clench and my eyes shut, fuck she feels so good, so wet and warm. I bury my face against her neck as she stretches around me, that vanilla mixed with the apple body wash filling my nose.

“Dean,” she whispers in my ear.

I lift my head, finding her lips, kissing her deeply and I can never get enough of her, I don’t think I ever will.

She rocks her hips and I snap mine, thrusting into her, losing myself. I push her back against the wall, holding her there. As good as she feels around me, as much as I like that, it’s the little noises that get me. It’s the way she says my name and swears in between gasps, the way she moans and whines and fuck it makes me so hard it almost hurts.

Then she is coming undone around me, her head smacking back against the wall with a soft thud. I nip at her neck as she pulls me over the edge, my dick jumping inside of her, my hips jutting up on their own as her name gets caught in my throat.

She’s still shuddering as I set her down on her feet gently, resting my forehead against hers, “You alright?”

“A little more than alright,” she giggles.

Her fingers cup my cheek, and she stands on tiptoes to kiss me, “I’m going to get dressed and then we can get a move on.”

“I don’t know why you’re worried you aren’t the one that has to get up early and cook tomorrow,” I tease, not wanting to let her go.

“I am the one that is going to have to get your ass out of bed though,” she grabs her jeans off the dresser, “And I want to point out, I did go and get the turkey.”

I work around her, grabbing my clothes and sliding into them, “Is that all we have left to do?”

She pulls the sweater over her head, “Um, I still have to wrap one more of Sam’s presents and that should be it. I’ll put everything under the tree in the morning. Well, if you are done with that one.”

I pull her up against me, “Are you making fun of my wrapping abilities?”

She smiles, “If you can make fun of my cooking, I can make fun of your wrapping.”

“Okay, fine,” I kiss her one more time, we really do need to get moving even if I don’t want to.

She takes my hand, pulling me behind her and down the hall, towards the library where we can hear Sam talking and laughing.

He hears us coming, “Dean! Y/N! Get in here!”

Immediately my heart jumps into my throat, my first reaction is always that something is wrong. Y/N squeezes my hand, she’s way better at this than me, way more calm. But she lets go of my hand and let’s me rush through the war room and up the two steps.

Sam is sitting on the ground in front of a chair, Evie in her little green dress, crawling on his legs, all smiles as he plays with her.

“Oh, hey Dean, you gotta see this man,” he shifts so he is kneeling, setting her on the ground so she can see me and her smile grows. Y/N says she looks like me, but other than the green eyes, she’s all her, down to the damn dimples.

She swings her little hands around and Sam holds his out and she uses it to stand up. She started doing that about a month or so ago, using all the tables and anything else she could get her hands on to move around the room.

“Go get daddy,” Sam looks up at me and I move closer, kneeling down a little way across the room, holding my hand out.

“Come on peanut.”

She babbles, giggling before taking off, or at least trying to, making it four or five steps before wiping out. But she doesn’t cry, she’s never been a crier,  just looks all kinds of pissed and pushes herself up the best she can, scooting the rest of the distance until I scoop her up, pulling her against my chest, “Look at you go…Yeah you get that look from your mom.”

“Hey now,” Y/N chides and I turn, she’s watching from the doorway, smiling softly.

“I didn’t say that was a bad thing.”

Evelyn squirms in my arms, reaching for Y/N. I take the few steps over, handing her off and Y/N holds her against her hip as Evie plays, well yanks, on her hair.

Y/N rubs her nose against hers playfully, smiling, “You are all kinds of trouble…Not that that is stopping Santa from bringing you a ton of presents.”

She’s not wrong, I thought I went a little crazy, but Sam had gone off the rails, I’d seen the pile of wrapped gifts in the garage. She’s going to make it through like five and pass the fuck out, but oh well. It’s so going to be worth it.

I watch them and remember where I’m standing, “Y/N.”

She looks at me and I nod up, and her eyes travel up to the mistletoe hanging in the doorway. She shakes her head, grinning, “Any excuse Winchester.”

“Damn right,” I wrap my arm around her waist, pulling her close carefully as she holds Evelyn against her side. I dip down and kiss her, cupping her chin and deepening it.

I nip at her lips and she smiles against mine, “Knock it off or you’ll be on the naughty list.”  
  


“Is that a promise?”

“Alright you two, knock it off,” Sam grumbles, coming over and taking Evie from Y/N, talking to her as he lifts her in the air, “Your mom and dad keep that up and we’ll end up with another one of you. I don’t know if your Uncle Sam can handle that.”


	9. 2016 - Decorating the House

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean finds out that sometimes it’s the little things that really, really count

I’m exhausted. It’s been two days of driving and I can barely fucking move, but I’m home.

It’s after midnight, I talked to Y/N about three hours ago and she was halfway through trying to get through decorating for Christmas. But Evie has been sick all week and she sounded tired and frustrated.

This is taking its toll on her. We’re trying to work it out, balance the family and hunting but it isn’t working well. Both of us are so used to each other that a few days apart, a week of worrying, kills us slowly.

So Y/N told me about four months ago she would try to stay home, let me hunt with Sam. I’d been a little more than shocked, almost all of our fights since we’ve been together have been because she loves to hunt and she didn’t want to give it up.

But I can hear it over the phone, I can see it when I’m with her how much she misses it. It’s a huge part of who she is.

And honestly? It isn’t the same without her there backing me up.

I walk through the library and see the open boxes, the tree half decorated, only one strand of lights done around the room. Fuck.

I drop my bag on the one chair, grabbing the step ladder and another strand of lights. I climb up, my sore legs protesting, but I start hanging them on the small hooks around the room, section, by section.

When that’s all done I set the box filled with ornaments on the bookshelf, digging through them, finding the bare spots on the tree and hanging them there. And it doesn’t matter where I hang stuff, it doesn’t look quite right. Y/N’s way better at this, it always looks like it should be in a magazine when she decorates.

But I get there, going through all the boxes on the ground, putting stuff where it goes and by the time I’m cleaning them up and putting them in the storage room, I can barely keep my eyes open.

I stumble down the hall to our room, and opening the door I can’t help but smile.

Y/N is out, mouth slack, snoring lightly and Evie is curled up against her, laying with her head on Y/N’s outstretched arm, the book they were reading still in her hand. I chuckle, wondering who actually passed out first.

I grab a clean t-shirt, trying to stay quiet. I’ll worry about a shower in the morning, right now I just want to get a few hours of shut eye.

“Daddy?” her small voice breaks the quiet.

I turn, holding my finger to my lips, “Shh.”

She looks around, rubbing her eyes, sitting up before looking at me again, a smile spreading across her little face “Daddy!”

I close the distance, whispering, “You gotta be quiet peanut…Mommy’s sleeping.”

Y/N looks like hell right now, like she hasn’t slept in days. She only snores when she’s dead ass tired, like week straight of no sleep tired.

Evie spins around and looks to her mom and then to me, holding her finger up to her lips, “Shh.”

I smile, nodding as I crawl on the bed, “Yeah kiddo.”

She scoots over beside me, grabbing her book from Y/N’s hand, “Story?”

My body says no, but how can I? I haven’t seen her in eight days, and the kid loves when we read. I think it’s part of the reason she talks a lot, and half the time it is like full sentences a lot.

“Alright, what are we reading?”

“Fish,” she puts the book on my stomach as she curls up under my arm. Against my chest.

“One Fish, Two Fish?” I laugh low, “Did mommy read the whole thing?”

She shakes her head back and forth, “Mommy went to sleep.”

For some reason, I feel like it was pretty mutual, “Okay then, we will just have to start it over then, won’t we?”

“Yeah!” she yawns.

I prop the book against my legs so I can turn the pages with my free hand, “Here we go…One fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish- black fish, blue fish, old fish, new fish…”

I get through about four pages when I feel Y/N’s hand slide into mine, but I keep going, knowing that if I stop Evie will be wondering why. And right now, I’ve got her nodding off against me.

I finish the book and when she doesn’t ask for it again I know she’s sound asleep. I glance over, running my thumb over Y/N’s hand. She’s watching me, a small smile on her lips, “Hey.”

“Hey sweetheart,” and I can feel it in my chest, how relieved I am to be here, to see her and Evie.

She bends down as she scoots closer, kissing my knuckles, “I’m glad you’re home.”

I nod, “Me too. I missed you guys.”

She takes a big breath, nodding, as her eyes fall shut, “I love you.”

I squeeze her hand, “I love you too sweetheart.”


	10. 2017 - Driving Home For Christmas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and you are ready to be home after a hunt, especially since you’ve been sick.

**Christmas Eve 2017:**

We hadn’t meant to be gone this long, it was supposed to be a quick salt and burn. Five days and four graves dug later, we finally found the son of a bitch.

It’s getting late, the roads are dark and slow going with the snow and the sleet. Y/N’s sitting in the passenger’s seat, dozing off against the window. She’s exhausted. She’s been sick for a few weeks on and off, just hasn’t been feeling herself.

One more hour and we’re home.

She laughs low, “You remember this song?”

I turn the knob on the radio, listening for a moment, ‘Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas’ playing slowly, I can’t help but smile, “Yeah I do.”

I reach across the seat and take her hand, squeezing it, “You know, if you would have told me nine years ago we were going to be here, I wouldn’t have believed you.”

She giggles, “Yeah, who would have figured?”

I chuckle, “I mean, I didn’t even think I had a shot in hell with you. I never thought we’d be married with a kid.”

She smiles, her fingers lacing with mine, “I love you so much.”

“I love you too sweetheart.” And I fucking do, so goddamn much it hurts sometimes. People like me shouldn’t get this damn lucky.

Suddenly she jumps, her hand leaving mine and covering her face, “Dean, pull over.”

“What’s wr-”

“Pull over now!”

I slam the brakes, skidding a little as I pull the Impala on the shoulder and I’m barely stopped and she’s rolling out the door and heaving.

“Shit,” I shift it into park, scrambling out and around the car.

She’s on her hands and knees, hurling in the ditch, “Fuck sweetheart.”

“Dean don-,” and another wave hits her. I kneel beside her, pulling her hair away from her face with one hand and rubbing her back as she chokes, struggling to breathe in between, gasping. Fuck.

“It’s okay baby,” I try and reassure her.

Finally she takes a deep breath, sitting back on her heels and I wrap my arm around her.

“I think I’m good now, that came out of nowhere,” she shakes her head, “these last couple days though, I haven’t puked in years.”

I squeeze her, “Yeah, I haven’t seen you this sick since-…” I freeze, thinking about it. How she’s been puking, miserable, feeling off.

“Dean?”

I swallow, looking down at her, “Since Evie.”

“Oh shit,” she covers her mouth, her eyes wide.

I stand up, pulling her with me, “Do you think anything is open?”

She shrugs, shaking her head, “There’s that twenty four hour convenience store on Route 36, but that’s it. Do you really think?”

“Let’s find out.”

We are both quiet as I speed, taking the roads a little faster than I probably should but my mind it racing. Could this really be happening?

Neither of us say a word as I park and we both walk in. She searches up and down a couple aisles before finding the box she’s looking for, mumbling and shaking her head. She doesn’t even go up to the cashier, just glances around and heads towards the Restroom sign.

I follow her in.

“Dean,” she gives me a look as the door shuts.

“What?”

“Seriously? That’s like way too much pressure to pee.”

“You pee when I’m in the shower or brushing my teeth all the time,” I shrug.

“But that’s not life changing big. We weren’t expecting this.”

“I know.” I lean up against the sink, I’m not waiting outside in the car.

“Fine,” she rolls her eyes, going into one of the stalls.

She’s in and out in less than two minutes, setting the little stick on the sink. She paces back and forth, her hands shoved in her pockets and the minutes tick by slowly. I stay where I am, trying not to let myself feel anything. I don’t want to get excited, or scared, or disappointed. Or at least I’m trying like hell not to let myself be.

I glance at my watch, Y/N stopping on the otherside of the room, frozen in place. I swallow hard, stepping over to the sink and picking up the little stick.

“What is it?” She asks quietly

I feel the tears well up, and I clear my throat, trying to hold them back, “We’re pregnant.”

I turn slowly, and she’s still there, tears sliding down her cheeks and her hands over her face, “Really?”

I nod, “Yeah sweetheart.”

She rushes across the room, jumping into my arms, hers wrapping around my neck, “I can’t believe it.”

I laugh, burying my face in her neck, “Neither can I.”


	11. 2018 - Traditions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and you have one more thing to do before Christmas morning

**Christmas Eve 2018**

Y/N laughs, “We are going to have to find more space.”

The mantle by where we have the Christmas tree has a few books on it, and she’s stuffing little gifts into the stockings that are hanging there.

I come up behind her, wrapping my arms around her waist and pulling her back against me, kissing her neck, “I don’t know, I think we have room for a couple more.”

“Dean, we are outnumbered now.”

“So?” I pull her tighter, kissing over her shoulder and back up to right below her ear.

Her fingers scratch my scalp lightly, “You are ridiculous, I hope you know that.”

“I do,” I mumble, squeezing her one more time, “how much more do you got stashed?”

“Nothing,” she spins, taking my hands in her small ones, “I’m on top of it this year.”

“You can continue being on top if you want,” I wink.

She rolls her eyes, unable to hold back the laugh, “Dork.”

“I know,” I pull her against me, kissing her slowly, “I almost forgot, we have one more thing to do.”

Her hands fist in my shirt, “You know, if anyone knew what a hopeless romantic you are-..”

“Well it’s a good thing only me and you know that then,” I let her go and go over to the stereo, putting in the CD I had sitting out, keeping the volume low enough only me and her can hear it.

I hold my hand out, and she shakes her head.

“C’mon sweetheart, it’s tradition.”

She sighs, taking my hand and letting me spin her before pulling her to me as we dance slowly. And even though she tries to act annoyed, I can see the smile playing at her lips.

She glances up, meeting my eyes and I swear to fucking God my heart stops. She’s so fucking beautiful, and I love her so damn much. She’s come so far in eleven years, hell, we both have. I never thought dancing with her to this in some shitty bar would ever lead to this, to us.

“You know that bar smelled like piss right?”

I bust out laughing, “Yeah it kinda did.”

She swallows hard, chewing at her lip as the song winds down, “I never really told you, but it’s probably a good thing you showed up when you did.”

I hold her closer, stealing a kiss, “It’s not like that anymore.”

She chuckles, trying to control her emotions, “Because of you.”

“No sweetheart, you did that all on your own. I was just some kid with a crush.”

She pokes my ribs, “I think it was a little more than a crush.”

I can’t help but laugh, wrapping my arms around her, feeling hers wrap around me, “You know I thought about kissing you that night?”

She nods, “I was thinking about it too and I just thought it was me and chickened out. I didn’t want to mess with things, and I was scared. I never thought a guy like you would go for me and you’ve always been my best friend.”

“You’ll always be my best friend sweetheart.”

She smiles, that one that makes my knees week, the one where she’s trying to hold it back but ends up beaming anyways.

I rest my forehead against hers, our noses pressed against one another.

“I love you so much Dean,” and just as she starts to kiss me we both hear the crying down the hall.

She grimaces, “You wanna go make sure Evie doesn’t make it out this far?”

Evie had been hard to get to sleep, she had been so damn excited and we had to make sure she stopped trying to sneak out of her room before we got the presents out, “You sure?”

She nods, kissing me quickly and squeezing my hand, “Yep, if Kyle is up, Kasey won’t be far behind.”

She let’s go of me, heading towards the hallway, and just as she takes the bottom step I can’t help myself, “Hey Y/N?”

“Hmm?” she turns, leaning against the wall.

“I love you too sweetheart.”

She smiles, making my heart pound in my chest, “I don’t know how I got lucky enough to have a husband like you.”

The truth is, I’m the lucky one. She’s given me more than I ever thought was possible.


	12. 2019 - Opening Gifts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean finds out that sometimes it’s the little things that really, really count

**Christmas Morning 2019**

I can hear the feet trying to get past our door and to the stairs, and the dog’s nails are clicking right behind her on the hardwood. Evie has tried to sneak past probably fifteen times tonight, it was hell trying to get the presents in the house.

“Get back to bed!” I growl playfully and I hear the giggle and her running back to her room, Bond scampering right behind her.  

Y/N chuckles, her arm tightening around me as she kisses my cheek, “We’re up anyways.”

“I know,” I turn so I can see her, pressing my lips to her forehead, “just a couple more minutes.”

“I’m okay with that,” she mumbles, relaxing back against me, “I can’t believe the twins stayed asleep with her running around all night.”

“They’re good sleepers and she is any other day of the year.” I lace my fingers with hers, squeezing her hand.

“I love Christmas, but I could sleep for another five hours,” she yawns.

“They’re going to be so excited, and it’s going to be such a damn mess,” I laugh.

“What time are Sam and Eileen coming with Jake?”

I yawn, reaching over and grabbing my phone, squinting against the bright light, “He texted me last night and said around nine.”

She rubs my stomach, “You ready?”

I smile, moving quickly so she’s pinned underneath me. I lean down and press kisses and blow raspberries all over her until she’s laughing uncontrollably, her whole body shaking, “Dean! Knock i-it off.”

And I do, my lips coming to rest against hers, deepening the kiss until I’m pressed against her and she moans low, “Dean.”

I run my hand over her body, thinking about last night after we’d gotten done putting the presents out. While I’m lost in her, she jerks her hand, throwing me off balance, using her hips to flip me underneath her and she’s straddling my hips.

“Fuck, it’s sexy that you’re a badass.”

“Shut up,” she rolls her eyes but bends down to kiss me one more time before crawling off, grabbing her panties off the floor, laughing, “Well some things never change.”

The thin fabric is shredded and I shrug, getting up and slipping on my boxers, “Can’t help it sweetheart, you weren’t getting out of them fast enough.”

“Whatever Winchester,” she smiles, digging in her drawer for another pair and I grab her robe off the back of the door for her.

“Thanks,” she stands on tiptoes and gives me one more kiss before I open the door.

Evie comes busting out of her room, that crazy mutt right behind her, “Time for presents?”

“Yeah, me and Dad got to get your brother and sister first,” Y/N says with a smile, mussing Evie’s dirty blonde hair. God, that kid is the most even split of me and Y/N. She looks so much like her mom, but that attitude is all me. She’s just a hair shy of four, but her preschool teacher can barely keep her busy.

She takes off down the hall in front of us, crashing into their room. They are both standing in their cribs, waiting. Kyle is taking up a storm with Evie, but Kase is quiet, she has been ever since she was born.

Y/N picks up Kase and I grab Kyle, Evie runs in front of us to the stairs, “Careful peanut.”

“She’s fine,” Y/N whispers and between the kid and the dog it sounds like a herd of cattle running downstairs.

By the time we hit the landing, Evie is already in the living room reading the tags on presents. Y/N sits down on the couch, putting Kasey on her feet who walks towards her big sister. Evie smiles that big toothy grin and hands Kase a present as she plops down.

Kyle wiggles in my arms, not wanting to miss out, “Take it easy there killer.”

I set him down and he rushes towards them, all but tumbling down when he gets there. He’s a freaking wrecking ball when he gets rolling.

Y/N grabs my hand and lifts my arm up, scooting across the couch and against my side. I pull her close, kissing the top of her head as we watch the kids tear through the presents, Bond grabbing the wrapping paper and shredding it everywhere, all three of them laughing.

“Merry Christmas sweetheart.”

She rubs my chest, kissing my jaw, “Merry Christmas Dean.”


End file.
